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  • sunshineabbyss

i've never felt so beautiful in my life

I never even felt beautiful before!

Now it is apart of my peace.

I have felt beauty within me, but this experience of being a portal from the unseen to what will be is the most unifying and complete feeling i have ever felt.

At 37 weeks pregnant we are watching the world fall apart in a magnitude that many could not have ever conceived of...

Just 3 weeks after the Maui fires and literally carrying a living creation directly from the island, the aina, this baby, the bloodline, a blessing to have gathered and an honor to bare.

I think in the depths of our consciousness we all have known this change in the world is coming; not just Maui but everywhere the destruction touches.

This is apart of the collective experience that has always existed and will perpetuate in the psyche for ever more.

Through our human DNA alone we have lived countless lives as our blood is a continuation of our human heritage.

We carry with us the choice to survive, persevere, pursue our dreams and thrive.

When i was younger and would get upset about various horrible things, destruction of the earth, human injustices, cruelty, my dad would scoff at me; he would say, " it has always been this way. there is no 'end of the world'- people have always proclaimed this, religions have always purported this. the reality is that this very moment is the only truth."

At the time his "ignorance" would upset me so much, but really it is the truth of existence.

I extend his sentiment to say that we are in this classroom, we are here for only a short time. We must learn and cultivate compassion for everything.

Incorporating acceptance is crucial.

And at 37 years of age i have finally crossed the threshold of understanding my own beauty.

Accepting my beauty.

The beauty that wants to be expressed.

Enough so to create another life inside of me!

I feel this duty to be so incredibly present, so undeniably self contained; and yet universal and limitless.

i value every moment of it.

And it creates more value to the life i live, from breath to breath i can only forge ahead with conviction that life is truth and i seek the truth; to live whole heartedly is the beacon for all.

Each moment is an opportunity to feel. Feel gratitude. Grieve, give in, let go, then ground into the fullness of life.

No matter what the outcome.

As this experience of childbearing has unfolded there is a plentitude of worry, concern, discomfort, confusion that i could ascribe to; yet the contrary has been the most important.

This is not to say that pregnancy is the harbinger of this sentiment, rather it was the other way around; that the version of me that felt unworthy of beauty, or unknowing of it, became aware of the beauty around me and within me; the beauty way ("the beauty way" in reference to Wally Brown's Navajo Traditional Teachings, as seen on youtube: ),

"the pursuit of walking in joy, happiness, confidence, and peace." this rings true for all generations as we can listen and respect the infinite guidance from our elders... and to continue to teach the next generation these values, and also to be amazed at the teachings the next generation brings forth to us.

The honor of pregnancy and childbirth has been a connecting force to the readiness of sharing, contributing, evolving.

For me there has been no better time. My readiness was affirmed by the fact that i am here now in this skin, connecting the past and the future with flesh and blood.

I found my readiness, and any outcome is apart of the process: the process is apart of the process. In acceptance of the general flow of life, as no one can know the future, we can work with the wisdom that is generously expressed in every corner of our environment, honor the life, all of it, its complexity, the mystery, keep the internal light on, be the beauty, for others to see.

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