LIFE UPdate

THE CUP IS FULL

I actually wouldn't have said that but i was talking to my girlfriend Dee who is visiting her home country and she was explaining to me how happy she is visiting all her long time friends and checking in on her magical forests and waterfalls and coast lines; she said she's really "filling her cup up" and i said to her how nice that sounds and that i wish i was filling my cup up with all the friends and good times and all and she said : "oh Abby, your cup is always full, that's how you can give to some many people all the time." and it took a second to soak that up because at the time and in these times i have been feeling like i need a good hard laugh and a full on friend day with serious homies, and not that i have been feeling lacking but her comment made me realize that i'm probably just comparing myself to other people, because yeah my cup is fill, it is very, very full. Sometimes it feels a little too full with all that goes on around here, its just a different kind of full than i used to have or want. And the giving she is referring to is the constant massage work that i do, which is a lot of giving but it feels so flowing, not like i have to really give some part of my self away but that that i am a vessel for the energies that be to flow through me.

Either way i realized that yeah my cup is very full, my life is very full, and like perfectly full because even though it isn't exactly what i had in mind it is actually so much more (because what was in my mind anyhow?? i don't even remember anymore!)

I am remembering to be here now and to put effort in to my dreams instead of expecting things to fall into my lap.

I have had so many contradicting wishes that the universe is having a hard time sorting out my manifestations. I want to be here AND there. I want to homestead AND travel. I want to travel with my dog AND I don't want the stress of traveling with my dog. I want to have a partner AND i am so happy alone. I want hardy laughs with friends AND i want to avoid humans. I want to be of service AND i want passive income. I am serious AND seriously not serious.

So to heck with the thoughts lets get to business with the good times--

I planted a super messy but producing garden that we have been eating from (cucumbers, long beans, a few okras, basil and corn!), and we're going to do some traveling here in the next few months some by air and some in the car with both my children, I am writing tonight because I am getting back into it so I can manifest my passive income.

These things take time and energy not just pulling my hair out because my life doesn't look like what i want it to look like. But what the heck do i want my life to look like?

When I started my journey co-creating with the universe i hit some pitfalls but i have come to learn that the universe always has our backs, so i just experienced a little learning curve and with some added perseverance i got back on track.

I think my old self would've been and always was so discouraged by the pitfalls, and let the perspectives of other people drag her down, but something that my mom said to me always rings true :

Don't wait for anybody.

and i always have to remember that because so much of my life I have caught myself waiting for the boyfriend to come along, or the friend to go fishing, or the someone to make me laugh, and then i'm just waiting. and waiting. and waiting... and life then passes me by.

So right now i can honestly look at my life and say that i wouldn't want to be anywhere else, doing anything other than what i am doing right now. All my manifesting that i did some years ago was exactly in line with what is going on right now. and i am so so grateful. It is just amazing to see how easily the default of discomfort just nuzzles it way into every moment it i'm not careful (careless, really).

and what does my life looks like?

Today I'm a single mom living in tropical paradise with a perfect childcare scenario with a family whom i've known for decades who are my neighbors and with whom we can essentially call family. I have a free lancing job as a massage therapist with very steady work with surf retreats that i am on the daily running late for, because i get to spend the entire morning playing on my favorite beach that is across the street from where we live and in the most perfect fresh water creek with my young son and soggy doggy until its nap time, then, passing baby over to my neighbor for him to sleep in a hammock or play with his best friend, her daughter, and tossing a bone to my girl dog, i hop on my little moto bike and have a carnival ride of dodging pot holes while checking the waves out of the corner of my eye or saying hello to nearly every single person i pass by (because that's how small of a town it actually is) all the way to the other side of town past all the perfect point breaks and then rocking up to "work" barefoot and setting up a massage table outside; I'm essentially wearing my pajamas, and half of the time i have dripping wet hair and leaky faucet nose because i caught a wave on my way in (and on swell days sometimes a very awesome wave), and then i get paid by people who honor the work that i do, practicing indigenous knowledge and connecting to source energy to bring in alignment within one's being and within myself.

When the day is done I head back and maybe catch a wave before i go to collect my babes for an evening play before smashing some food and passing out happy and feeling alive from all the stimulation.

sounds like a gas, and it is but it is also a wild ride: sometimes it takes ages of kicking starting the moto; stormy evenings, stormy mornings, stormy all day's; everybody's sick or i'm scrambling to get any meal ready; i broke a glass thing (fricking so often!); and then the constant battling of mosquitos, every size of ant, geckos and their poop, giant resident toads and their poop and pee, mud, searing sun and sometimes oppressive heat- and the unknown variable that inevitably comes up, any hour of everyday.

Tantrums happen, dog fights happen, forgetting to brush my teeth happens; everything is crazy but fun and i'm very, very grateful.

the cup is very full!

BONUS TRACK take away story of this evening's episode of

10-minute-dinners-before-the-melt-down:

We came back in from our evening out on the soccer field and the beach and i quickly chucked some fresh tuna in some coconut oil on the cast iron, given to us from our friend's b-day fishing trip the day before. I get Little Bear's dinner out to her and turn the stove off and fill up the electric water boiler before I scoop Manu up for a quick shower which can be a real struggle when he's hungry because all he wants is teta (booby), pero ya vamos, we go have a 2 minute rinse off. Now we're clean and out and dry and he's getting cranky but we get some clothes on and he can play with the airplane a minute on the floor while i chuck some ghee in the pot and turn the stove on quickly and chop a 1/4 of a purple onion and throw it in to hopefully caramelize a little bit and not burn. Then i smash a clove of garlic and get it into the presser and quickly grate some ginger and throw it in and then check the fridge for whatever veggies i have which happens to be a zucchini and a bell pepper, i press in the garlic while i grate the zucchini very quick-like and we're getting some seriously escalation with the pre-tantrum so i scoop up Manu while i pull out the noodles ensuring him that we are in fact having his only food group for dinner, and i set him down for a mini second and chop the pepper and chuck it in, pick him back up and manage to get the zucchini in, then we pause for a 30 second teta on the couch before we get up, him hanging off the one side (luckily there is a little shelf i can have my leg up on to help support in times like these) and then i get the hot water in the pot, chuck in the noodles, a bit of consumé (i love having in the freezer for quick soups) and some soy sauce and worchestshire sauce and bam! we can hang on the couch for a 6 minute teta until the noodles are cooked.

I smooshed up some of the cooked tuna and pulled out a 1/2 cup of noodles from the pot and get him set up in the high chair pre-melt down (wheww) -- and then i scarfed down the remaining 3 massive heaping bowls of soup, then do all the dishes while intermittently cleaning the floor of thrown food and then a pee and then more food and then spilt water then more food and then more spilt water and then more food then i make a mini desert of day old tortilla warmed in the oven with a little PB and honey (also ending up on the floor) ... things are pretty much wrapped up in the kitchen enough to not have to do a million dishes and so i can write this instead- all before he 's about to freak out if he doesn't get out of his chair- then we do a quick little post meal clean up of him in the sink and lay down for a final teta in bed...aaaaaaaaand he's out.

i can get the laundry working which isn't so bad tonight but can be monumental task in it of its self (i am so happy i have a drier!) and heat up some milk to make some yogurt while i up load the fotos from the evening and start to write. because today i am prioritizing the writing.

BONUS BONUS TRACK

mid way through the second to last paragraph i had a feeling that things were a little too quiet for a little too long and then i hear the cry for mam, i pop up from the laptop to what i know to be a pee in the bed, it was just a hair too long of a stretch of time, and i know he's sleeping hard because he took a shorter nap today, and low and behold a wet bed (we've been off of nighttime diapers for some months now with very little incidents), so i pick up my wet baby and get him on the teta so that we keep him sleeping and i single armedly pulled the mosquito net off, untuck from around the bed, carful not to get in the wet side, we got one wet pillow so popped that sucker off on to the floor and carefully pulled the other 5 off that I use as my barricades for him, pull back the peepee sheet and chuck in the pila (sink) to rinse off, grab the spray bottle and towel from the kitchen and sit with him for a minute while i clean the vinyl mattress (we have had since being in this house and has been clutch while practicing elimination communication), Once all wiped up i can go get the clean fitted sheet from the shelf and get it 1/2 on and lay with him until he's really out again and pop him off the teta and then set him up with the pillows and mosquito net again so that i can finish writing this.

I sit down and its 11:43! and then i realize i'm hungry again. so i have some leftovers in the toaster oven that i'm about to eat.

And that's all in a days work.

And i hear the new swell filling in, a steady energetic themp and hum in the light of a full moon.

It about time for bed, and ready for the next day to start.

Amen.